This is something I posted on a yahoo group. the thread was about finding women who actually enjoy sailing and how giving up home and hearth to live on a boat and take long term cruises goes against the girl mindset.. since I'm not sure of copy right laws in posting what someone else put on a group I m only posting my responses.
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1st Post
Hi Wow! That'a quite the question. I'm a woman so let me ask you some questions from the purely feminine perspective.
Rule one: if you want your wife ( and family ) on board with this idea the
first thing you have to do is get them / her on board, literally. she has to
feel safe with this idea or there will be hell to pay.
do you and your wife ever go boating on a regular basis or is this something
that your throwing at her out of no where? as in her private reaction ( that no
wife ever lets her man see from what I am told ) as a land lubber is WOW I did
not see that one coming!!!!!
I keep seeing this same type of question asked so Im going to put my foot in
here and share some stuff men just do not think about. Women are territorial
creatures. Hubby , home hearth and offspring are what is drilled into our heads
from that first bottle. If you want a gal to do this you have to get her on your
side completely and keep her there. How do you do this? First of all. if she is
not a boater start her out gradually. If your sailing let her learn to sail.
Someone mentioned put her in charge of the tiller right off the bat. That's good
advice. If your hitting her with this out of the blue, your asking her to
"abandon" every thing she knows for a world she is absolutely foreign to for a
couple of months to a year. Its not like you were talking about a car trip for
the week end to Florida. A woman is competent in her own home, Asking her to do
this out of the blue is asking her to violate her instincts. you talking putting
her in a position where she has major inadequacy issues. It takes her out of her
comfort zone and no one likes being in that position.
If your going for more then the occasional over night or day trip, what does the
galley look like? Is she going to hate the way it is setup? Is it going to make
her nuts trying to fix your three meals a day? I think it was annie hill that
covered that aspect of things. Hill and pardy both go into the importance of
having a galley that does not make you crazy. carol touches on it on her site
boat galley.
if she does not know how to run a boat then your asking her to face the
possibility that you might get hurt and all of a sudden she is completely
helpless dealing with something she has not got a clue as to how to cope with.
You mentioned the children. get them involved on a day boating basis. you might
be surprised at how they blossom and become competent.
FUN responsibility is a good way to strengthen their fiber. It is also a good
bonding thing. Just don't tell them this is a character building exercise. its
about having some fun as a family as far as they are concerned.
When was the last time you romanced your wife? Im talking romance NOT adult
relations. hey it may sound nuts but as one possible example, take "day" trips
that cover watching a sun set with her favorite beverage and your arms around
her will make a big difference. Make it part of your personal boating tradition
and see how much farther you get and how much faster. Do some of that stuff you
have not taken time to do since the children were born and get her mind to
associate the female version of "good time" ( ROMANCE ) with boating.
Do you already have the boat? is she a boater? if not , set her up for success .
take her out to dinner, apologize for springing this on her unexpectedly.
suggest day trips, and make sure it is a positive experience for her, do not
mention the long term goal of the ICW, let her gradually work her confidence up
so that its not such scary proposition. gradually work those days trips into
weekends that don't result in it being more work for her then it is worth, if
YOU do the packing and a large part of the prep work so its FUN for her instead
of a major packing and unpacking pain you will make a lot more progress. (see
Annie hills book on that nightmare). let her "skipper" the packing. instead of
having to do it ALL by HERSELF have her tell you how to do it and what to take
so all she has to do is make the list of what to take and you do the packing
loading and unloading . if she ROFLMAO while your doing it laugh with her and
admit your trying but not real great at this. if you laugh together over it she
will probably end up helping you. do NOT take that as a signal saying you can
abandon ship, keep working together on the not so fun parts and you have a
happier wife.
let things develop gradually at at apace she can handle and who knows you might
be surprised.
AS FAR AS THE KIDDOS GO. LET them GET COMPETENT SO THEY SEE YOUR RESPECT FOP
Their BOAT Handling ABILITIES AND YOU WOULD BE Surprised HOW THEY CHANGE. sorry
about caps its this small net book keyboard.
HAVE FUN AND SAIL SAFE
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2nd post
this is inherently true. it goes against the girl chromosome. there are ways to get around it however. now i speak from the strictly girl view point so bear with me. what i have discovered is if the interpersonal dynamics in a relationship are not good, a guy who comes up with this idea after years of marriage or ltr aint got a snow balls chance in you know where. if however that same couple has great interpersonal dynamics , there is a chance he can wean her onto the idea. it takes time, but just like any thing else it is doable IF handled correctly.
i posted the love dare ( off topic folder) with the idea it might come in handy for that problem, ( it is the most comprehensive paper i have ever seen on it even if a person does not buy into the "religious stuff" .
yes there are women who just dont get the fact men have needs to do guy stuff. it bites but it is true. some women have men who have the same problem in reverse, some guys just do not get the concept that there are certain things that are simply a "she thang".
for the guys who are already in a ltr, dont go jumping off the deep end right off the bat. go take some trips with other people or rent a boat and take her with , give her a chance to make up her own mind what she thinks about it with NO pressure. it is a crap shoot. just like any gamble if you dont take the shot you cant win. start out small and work your way up,let her mention the fact you need a bigger boat so she can have an easier time fixing dinner. After you know she likes it, once your sure she likes sailing you might mention you were thinking about getting a bigger boat so the galley would be nicer for her. let her chew on it,. or if you already have a large enough boat, let her use the galley and ask her in a nice moment if she has any ideas of how you can make the galley ( or other part of boat) more to her liking. IE: give her the VOTE! if it is feasible then do it. most women are not completely tyrannical on things given a viable alternative. if you have been wed long enough she knows your not made of gold bars. find something that works for you .
if nothing you tried gets you off the dock, other then the love dare i have not got a suggestion that has a chance of working. if her objections are other priorities you could be using the cash on, take her seriously AND MEET HER HALF WAY. in the movie fireproof his boat money was a major point of contention, had he not been a jerk he would have had a boat and still saved his marriage, but we all know about saving all your life for the high priced boat and never getting it, so im thinking you all comprehend that aspect.
if your single and looking, my suggestion is avoid high maintenance females, they dont like getting dirty or breaking nails or not getting the land lubber lifestyle fixings. you can spend money on your boat or her 99.00 manicures. pick one.
I notice neither Annie or Pardy appear to be high maintenance females. I also noticed Pete took Annie out sailing on a sever budget and had her used to his being an extremely frugal person long before he popped the question. He did not quiver and let her think he agreed with her, he found out she would work with him BEFORE he proposed. No offense meant to Pete and Annie but they made it work and are good examples of what can be done if a guy uses his head in the first mate department.
Take a look,( if you have not read the book beg borrow or buy a copy and read it form this aspect. there is your mentor guys) the only thing he had going for him was his smarts, a tiny little boat and Annie. She had the sense to recognize that this was who Pete was and accepted it so over time it worked out. lets face it starting out they barely had a pot to pee in or a port window to throw it out as the saying goes but they both had the right attitude and Pete let her take it at her pace. You guys are the same way, if a gal throws something at you from left field you need time to chew on it if it is going to work. give the gal the same respect and if she is just not willing break it off and keep looking.Find places gals that really enjoy sailing hang out, I DONT mean the yacht club flies at the bar. We do exist, we are just an extremely rare breed.
part of the problem i suspect is those of us who are into this dont fit mens " romantic " or "fantasy" much less adult activities "turn on" notions of what men are looking for in a gal. your going to have to rethink your priorities, if you want the nails and hair look in bed, you have to consider nails and hair dont sail well.
let your attractions be based on mutual compatibility instead of letting your " other priorities" do your thinking for you . yes you know exactly what I'm referring to . I had to find a G rated way to say that.
just as an example read the page i posted in my blog, scroll down to the woman behind the wrench part. as a rule gals like us are independent breed for what ever reason. men normally RUN like their life depends on it from gals like us. it is a paradox to be sure. if a gal has the salt to want to do this, you have to let her figure out that your worth trusting with her life and boat ( if she already has one). shes not going to let just any idiot be her skipper in life much less on the water. what she HAS to see in you tells her your the one for her and then she has to make absolutely sure she is right. that takes time. Having a boat does NOT mean you fit HER criteria! if and when she chooses to let you see her softer side, you will know it. just dont freak out when she lets you see it, if she cant be soft when she wants to you WILL blow it! Little things mean a lot!
men seem to think they choose the gal, yes you get a vote but the bottom line is the man only has the question, the gal still has to answer it.
think about it,
smooth seas and fair winds.
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