Finding your future Mrs Right and not a(nother) future EX wife Part 2

excerpts from a response of what NOT to be if your a guy looking for a gal that is a keeper and my response

With all due respect, this 'ebook' is teaching guys
to take it in the gonads from girls and be passive
aggressive which is the very root of the problem anyways.

I can see where you might think that as a first reaction,. Think about it and reconsider. Inline response

Please clarify something , Are you speaking as a man who has a cruising wife that is happy with the life style, as a man seeking to “covert” his land lubber wife to become a cruising wife, or as a wifeless ( ie: single, divorced or widowed) man?

Nothing personal towards you meant by this, just know
the very reason women act like they are "too good for
this" (where this = anything she feels needs to be
better for her sake or her reputation or what have you,
maybe because her parents tell her she needs a big house
or she's competing privately with her sisters who have
four beautiful young kids or her coworkers who all have
BMW's or whatever) is because men in general are not
asserting themselves and their real passions enough to
tell the women to back off & settle down or hit the road.

Yes, there are a LOT of women out there with those issues. There is absolutely NO doubt about that. I know many. I feel sorry for their husbands if you want the truth. We are not talking about men looking for a long term cruise mate being attractive or attracted to those kind of ladies. Women have the right to chose the lifestyle they volunteer for. Many see it as poverty due to cultural conditioning. We are talking about how to get a wife you already have, who does not want to change her lifestyle into being agreeable to doing so or at least finding a compromise that you are both reasonably happy with .

some parts of the ebook are good ideas, like:
tell your partner about your dreams.. yet the very
next idea is basically "if it's threatening to the
relationship then give it up" ... sorry hun.. aint
no way I am giving up my dream, and the more men that
make this known, the better both we and women will
be - they know what they're getting into and they
will enjoy having a man with passion around.

This is NOT, I repeat NOT about giving up the dream. Its about using tactics that accomplishes that dream by getting a normally reasonable wife on YOUR side by using what I am going to call universal law to obtain what is desired, which in this case is a cruising wife.

Have you ever heard the expression be careful what you do as it will come back and bite you on the butt? Mom had a rather interesting twist on that. Be careful what you do as it will come back and either bite you on the butt or kiss you. Some call this karma. The purpose of the love dare is to change the “karma” in the relationship so that your partner is on your side. Obviously there is no guarantee. Say you are wed to a woman that simply married you for your job, the house etc as you described, it may not work. If your wife is so immersed in the cultural mindset that she cannot possibly get out of it, it may not work, You won't know if you don't try. As an alternative to give up your dream or the choice of her or the dream, unless you have a better idea, it is worth a try. Why do I say this? I just happen to be a woman and I can see the value in the long range effects of these things will create based on what gets under the feminine skin. In plain English I know, as a woman , what would get me and keep me in the emotional state/ good mood, people refer to as being “in love”. People in love do things that there is NO WAY they would do other wise. This is the exact effect a man who wants to “covert” his traditional wife into a cruising wife is seeking.

Men and women both have this incredibly huge capacity to not be talked into doing something they simply do not want to do unless they have an extremely good reason for doing it. How may times do men do things that every one else thinks is insane simply because they are in love? Women are the same. The goal of the love dare is to get your mate agreeable to becoming your first mate. To do this you have to create that environment. It's not going to happen unless you do.

by the way one of the items is "give up lust" hello??
dude what's the purpose of a relationship if that
is given up.. um, might as well marry my best friend
who is a dude! less disagreements if I did that and
there wouldn't be any of these "lust problems", lol.
Lust is what keeps it together with a woman. even
if there's nothing physical going on, it's the intensity
that keeps it alive, come on, even any cheesy romance
movie will show that 100% (tons of lust lust lust going
on all the way until the very very end and then, ok,
they got together, story's over! it's a boring story
after that lust is gone!).

You are thinking like a stereotypical male. I do not doubt a LOT of men will agree with you . This is not about getting men to agree, It is about getting your wife to agree to become a cruiser.

Lust or desire for your wife would be appropriate although as a woman I would hate to count on just lust or physical attrction to maintain the relationship after many years. It is not referring to lusting/ desire for your wife. It is referring to lusting after things that are causing pain or contention or other wise hurting your marriage.

When conditions are tolerable, most woman will stay in a marriage long after the lust is gone, hence the “bored house wife” Her being willing to have sex is not necessarily an accurate marriage barometer. It is when she is not willing that most men MIGHT realize they messed up. When most gals get to THAT point, it is because of long term issues that most men are completely oblivious to. This why when all of a sudden she walks out or find out she cheated, they are so shocked. They never saw it coming because of similar assumptions on many different areas.

the secret is this, and any smart woman over 40 will
easily agree after her thin excuses are dismissed, that
the female charms are fading with her age, and they're
lucky to find a guy who doesn't drink or abuse or is damn
boring or even downright smelly or 100 pounds overweight.

Let me see if I understand your comment, According to you , any gal over 40 is fortunate to have a guy who is reasonably fit, non abusive, nonalcoholic, bathes regularly and does not bore her to tears? I doubt any woman in this group who read that would not find it demeaning.

Define abusive? Are you restricting the field to just physical abuse or do you include mental and emotional abuse?

If all your wanting is your definition of a “ smart “ woman over 40 and you fit that criteria, them by all means go for it. There are a lot of women out there who's low self esteem that will settle for that. I know I have met them. Some do not even require that the guy has a steady paycheck. The world is full of desperate women that will settle for any thing that stands up to pee. If that is what your wanting to find, may I suggest your local bar, church, supermarket, civic organization, online dating service etc. Why settle for over 40? The field abounds with younger woman who do not have any criteria above that.

I may be wrong here and if I am please clarify, according to your statement telling her your dreams is ok, but the impression you give me is shes lucky to get a man if she is over 40. Is that man supposed to care about HER dreams or is she supposed to abandon her dreams just to get this non boring, non alcoholic, not abusive bathing man?

Sooner all the good captains realize this, the better
sailors will be - well, maybe there are a very limited
number of good captains too, considering the dudes around
the dock here... ha.

The “dock flies” that abound in any marina are a given. There are no doubt a lot of “good captains” are out there. Just because a man is incredibly competent in the area of heading a boat or ship does not mean he has the skills to maintain a healthy ltr.

The feminine equivalent would be just because a gal is incredibly competent raising children and running a house does not mean she has the skills to be a good wife. Solid marriages take real work. The couple has to find out what works for them. Over tine this translates into what I am going to call marriage skills. The whole goal of the love dare is to introduce those skills ( good karma) one at a time to change the dynamics of the relationship. Men and women have been using these technics for quite a while with good results. You impress me as a man who has an incredibly biased double standard. The impression you have given me is you see women as something to be used. If I am correct, the love dare is probably not something you are going to be interested in actually doing on any level. That is fine. It is your choice.

I completely agree that it is hard to let go of "the
house" because there are so many memories attached to it.
all the furniture, etc, all of it has a related story,
some of it hand-made by close relatives as gifts.
I still have an old old old wooden table hand made by
my grandmother, I haven't been able to part with it,
it's in storage. I am sure this is 100x stronger for
women who are usually the more sensitive bunch.
hey, life moves on, gotta "leave home" sometime just
like adolescence, unfortunately I guess women don't see
it like a "next step of growth in life" to give away
everything possible & keep only the prizes in a small
storage unit, in order to seek freedom on the sea..
however long that chapter lasts..

It is SOOO incredibly much more then that.

So I would say.. it is definitely a marginal idea to
peddle anything that even hints at the idea of guys
bending over & taking it in the behind just cause
girlie needs this compromise, or girlie needs that
compromise. Well, maybe the "yucky guys" need that
advice.. assuming a guy is stable & clean, such advice
does more harm than good from nearly everything I see.

Just for grins and giggles I'm going to throw this at you , If a woman read this from HER view point wold you think the things you are objecting to are still “marginal” ideas?

I decided to participate in this thread because over the years I've seen a lot of men clueless as to why they are not having the LTR they want. The idea is hopefully share some info so they can catch on as to how to reverse that slump.

First of all if your single and looking you have to accept the old law of supply and demand. Gals with this mindset built in are in extremely rare supply and there is a HUGE demand even for the 3 bag ugly ones, once the guy gets to know us, if we have a half way decent attitude. Is it possible you have not realized that? I got proposed to 5 minutes after I met a guy just because I am building the Toy. He was dead serious. Consider a gal who either has her own boat or is working seriously on getting her own boat. The number of LOSERS that in itself draws is astounding. It is like honey to flies. Do you honestly think we are so stupid we do not realize that? I have no doubt in my mind that if once I got my personal criteria for me met, if I placed an ad in any singles site with a photo of the boat, Id get more email them Id have time to answer from men who would not normally give me a second glance. Why? Because of the boat.

Please do not take offense at what I am about to say, I am trying to be kind and show you the respect and honesty of shooting straight from the hip. As a woman, I find your view point insulting, mentally abusive and demeaning. I would not give someone with your attitude about women a second glance. It appears you have missed the point entirely and considering your expressed view point I can see why.

Just FYI: I'm 54 (well over 40) , single by choice, since I have met way to many men with your viewpoint. I was married to similar attitudes on more then one occasion. Need dentures, out of shape, and I don't know when I last saw my bottle of oil of olay. All of which are on my “personal” criteria as mentioned above, once I get this house sold and out of this land locked area because MY PRIORITY is getting my self out of this house and onto a boat. Once I achieve those goals and my boat goal IF the man of my dreams actually arrives, I can absolutely guarantee he will not have your viewpoint. YUCK!!!!!!!!!! I sincerely hope this helps you .

Sail safe and happy hunting

Barb